Uncomfortable Truths About Leadership From A Gold Star Dad

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of books, quotes and articles about leadership. The vast majority are probably pretty good. Oddly, though, no one seems to talk about the uncomfortable truths about leadership.

One of the most glaring uncomfortable truths is that most people have no idea what leadership really is. They can give you examples of people they think are great leaders. They can quote memorable sayings of notable leaders.

But when you ask them to define leadership they stutter and stammer, or worse, give you more examples of great leaders. What is leadership? It really is a simple answer.

The uncomfortable truth is that leadership is nothing more or less than influencing or impacting another person’s life or circumstances. Why is that so uncomfortable? Because that truth takes away all the excuses people make up to avoid “being leaders.” It takes away the myth that you “have to be somebody” to be called a leader.

That simple, yet uncomfortable, truth creates an affirmative obligation on every one of us to be leaders in our daily lives. To intentionally think, talk and act in a way every day that, in a positive way, influences and impacts the lives of people we interact with.

Another uncomfortable truth about leadership is, it’s not about you. It’s about every one around you. Your ego, your sense of personal worth to others, is the enemy of leadership. Your ego is the enemy of the three cardinal virtues of love, hope and charity. All virtues we each should exhibit every single moment of our lives.

And that is a tough thing to do. We get discouraged, we are afraid of failure or being criticized, we get disillusioned about ourselves and circumstances of the world. We just don’t seem to have the energy to be a leader – and yet, are afraid to admit it and ask for help.

The uncomfortable truth is, leadership has a stigma. That stigma is you are always one step away from failing and falling out of being a “leader”. One step away from being “fired” or replaced, or demoted from your “leadership” position.

The uncomfortable truth is, leadership is not even a position. It is a mindset, an attitude displayed in consistent habits that form an expected and accepted way of thinking, acting and talking in your daily life. Leadership is the foundation of culture – in your workplace, home, community and faith life.

Here is the linear progression to what we call culture: Everything begins with a thought – settled ways of thinking become attitudes – attitudes are displayed in behavior – repeated behaviors become habits – habits become your culture. Because culture is the expected and accepted way of thinking, talking and acting within a group.

For example, many agencies have an Us versus Them culture when it comes to the media, the community, the critics, the upper Command Staff, and the list goes on. The culture – the expected and accepted way of thinking about, talking to and interacting with Them begins with how and what we think of Them, and then progresses along the linear line to culture.

This brings us to the final uncomfortable truth about leadership. We must change how and what we think about those we interact with on a daily basis – from complainants, to criminals, to our critics, to our citizens and everyone in between. As leaders – people of influence and impact – we need to accept the responsibility and Mission to create an environment that is less toxic, bitching and moaning, and US versus Them.

We need to begin fostering an environment that will be more positive, Mission and Vision oriented, objective and goal driven and less hostile and confrontational with the Them’s of this world. In other words, quit being assholes to everyone that isn’t one of Us. Including our spouses, kids and neighbors.

We need to have a Warrior Mindset – standing up, showing up and defending what we believe (Protect and Serve) and holding others accountable to that belief. We need to have a Servant Mindset – setting our egos aside and with compassion and empathy put the wants and needs of others before our own.

And we have to have that Leader Mindset of simply being a person of positive influence and impact in the lives of others.
The truth is – it is up to you to take those first steps towards creating a new culture within your agency, family and community.

Need help? Just ask for it.

About the Author:
From being left in orphanage in Dublin, Ireland at 3 days old, to being adopted to the USA 16 months later, Pat Welsh has been on a life long journey to become a Warrior, Servant, Leader.

In the Warrior Servant Leader Podcast, Pat shares the inspiring stories and lessons learned, personally and professionally, as he features TACO TUESDAYS – Take Action Crush Obstacles. Buckel up, he doesn’t hold back