Things were going well for my husband and me until I gave birth to our daughter. He thought I didn’t do anything all day while he was at work, so I decided to leave home for a week to show him how wrong I was.
A few months after knowing I was pregnant, I quit my job. My husband David supported my decision; we both thought this would be better for our daughter in the long run.
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Fortunately, I had an easy and uncomplicated pregnancy, so I dedicated myself to fixing my baby’s room and kept the house impeccably clean. I also prepared special meals for my husband in those months.
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
“Our house has never looked so good, honey,” my husband once commented. “I love getting home and seeing everything in order. Besides, your meals are delicious,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.
I smiled happily that he appreciated my efforts. I continued to do this until I gave birth at 40 weeks. When my daughter arrived, she became my whole world. A human being trusted me for everything, and immediately it was my priority.
For my husband, I was just being lazy. He commented on how messy the house had become and how we had been eating the same type of food for several days.
“I don’t have time to cook something new every day,” I told him. “Marissa cries a lot and sometimes she has cramps. He needs me,” he explained.
David shook his head; he thought he was lying. “Marissa can stay in the crib while you take care of the things around the house,” he replied. “That can’t take you that long!”
“Why don’t you try it then?” I exploded. “I’m taking care of and attending to our daughter. Do you know how exhausting it is to breastfeed every two hours?”
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
“Besides, she wants them to keep her loaded. She cries every time I lay her in the crib. I don’t have time to do anything else!”
“What are you trying to say?” he said. “I work all day and when I arrive I find a neglected house and food from the refrigerator that I must reheat.”
“How the hell would I not feel frustrated with that? Stop hiding behind the girl and just admit that you’re being a lazy wife,” David accused.
My eyes filled with tears at this moment. “That’s very unfair,” I told him, walking away from him.
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How did he not realize how difficult it was to raise a girl alone? Yes, he gave all the financial support, but he was barely at home. And when he was, he didn’t collaborate with the chores or the baby, unless he provoked him to play with her for a while or take a nap next to her.
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
At that moment, I realized that my husband would never understand things from my point of view, unless I showed him what I had to live daily.
One weekend, I left Marissa with David. She was asleep on top of him, and I took advantage of that moment to go downstairs. In the kitchen I left him a note that said:
“I’m going on vacation and I’ll be back in a week. Marissa’s milk is in the fridge.”
I turned off my phone, grabbed my bag and left. I booked a trip to the beach and spent a whole week resting and doing things for myself that I hadn’t done in a long time.
When the girl woke up, David called me to take care of me. When he didn’t get an answer, he ran down the stairs and found my note. I was surprised and angry at the same time.
He had no choice but to take care of Marissa alone, since there was no nanny available in such a short time. During the weekend, he took care of changing her diapers, bathing her, feeding her, and much more.
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
“I understand you!” he shouted in a moment. “Just come home now,” he begged.
I supervised the house from my daughter’s baby monitors located around the house and saw that David had been able to do nothing but take care of the girl. He asked for food every day, left the dishes dirty and the mess was evident.
On Sunday night he knew he couldn’t do the job and take care of the girl, so he called her mother. “Mom,” he shouted on the phone. “Jennifer left leaving nothing but a note. Can you come and help me? I haven’t slept in days!” he complained.
My mother-in-law was furious. “How can she be so irresponsible!” I heard her scream from the baby monitor. “It’s a woman’s job to raise her children, not a man’s! If she can’t raise the girl and keep the house in order, then she shouldn’t have married,” he said.
I was outraged when I heard it. She had no right to accuse me of irresponsibility: she always had nannies to raise her children and staff in charge of cleaning! David and I didn’t have money for that.
When I got home, David was very understanding and apologized to me. He explained to me that he had realized that he needed and deserved that vacation. “I’m sorry, honey,” he said in a sincere tone.
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
Image for illustrative purposes | Photo: Unsplash
“Taking care of a little girl alone is very difficult and it still demanded things from you. I’m sorry, please excuse me. I promise to be a more present father and share responsibilities with you. Marissa and you deserve that and much more,” he added, giving me a big hug.
It bothers me what my mother-in-law said about me and I would like to know if other people have been through the same thing. Should a woman be solely responsible for raising her children, cooking and keeping the house in order if she is a housewife? Shouldn’t the father get involved?
